# 5 The Decision

I know what I have to do, but it is extremely scary.  I don't know anyone else who has put their child into a residential program.  How do I really know that it works.  Yes, you read the testimonials of students and parents, but are these real people that have done what I am looking to do.  As I have said, I have a multitude of support from family and friends, but none of them have done what I am trying to decide to do.  She is only 14.  How could she be that bad that she needed structured help?  I kept trying to convince myself that I was over reacting.  It was me that couldn't handle her correctly.  I just need to be more forceful and stand my ground.  She will see the light and realize the things she is doing could ruin her life forever.  I knew in my heart that the latter was not true.  She is not going to see the light until it is too late.  It was up to me to make that decision for her, but am I strong enough to make that kind of decision.

We struggle and fight over the next couple of weeks.  She usually stays after on Mondays to work out with her friend as my other daughter has an activity that ends at 4:00.  It allows me to head over once to get them both instead of twice.  I believe it was the second Monday of March.  My daughter had gotten grounded again that past Thursday.  I went to pick her up right after school on Monday.  She hadn't asked to stay after and she was grounded, she didn't have the privilege to stay after if she wanted to.  She called as soon as school was over and said she was going to stay after and go to a friend's house until 4:00.  I said that I was in the parking lot already and you are coming home now.  She argued with me on the phone for a little bit and then came outside to argue with me.  I didn't raise my voice, I was just adamant that she was coming home with me.  She screamed and called me every name in the book, but finally got in the car.  She continued to beg, scream and argue about not being allowed to just have two hours, that is all that she was asking.  I told her, I did not want her smoking pot and that was the only reason she was staying after school.  She said that she was having a bad day and just wanted to go to a friends' house for a while.  Why couldn't i just let her, she had been good all weekend.  I said that she was still grounded, just because she was good all weekend, didn't mean that the grounding was over.  She proceeded to screech in my ear.  I slammed on the breaks and told her "Enough".  She screamed one more time and then the rest of the ride was quiet.  When we got home, she said she was leaving.  She headed for the door and I got right in her face and said, no you're not.  We stood there for a few minutes and every time she tried to go around me, I got right in her way.  She finally screamed that she hated me and pounded her way upstairs.  I knew she hated me, that was the one thing she said all the time. 

My new concern was, when was she really going to leave.  I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when.  I am now afraid to go to sleep at night.  Will she be there when I wake up in the morning?  I have to make a decision and make it fast.  I start talking more and more to family and friends.  I talk to my Mom, my rock.  I have confided just about everything that has gone on in my home for the last few months to her.  I felt bad as she was a distance away and many times we got off the phone and I knew she was ready to cry.  I had told my brother's, sister and in laws what was happening along the way, but not to the extent of what I have written here.  I finally told all of them everything and asked for their help and support.  They all gave their blessing.  I chose the program and proceeded to fill out the application.  I faxed in the application on a Friday.  I had to submit a synopsis of why I felt she needed their help as well as school administration references.  I was told that it would be anywhere from a couple of days to a week, before I knew if she were going to be accepted into the program.  Now I wait.

The whole self doubt and self sabotage began to rear its' ugly head.  Did I make the right decision?  Does she really need their help?  What if they don't think they can help her?  What if the references say that it is all in my head and she is just a kid being a kid?  What do I do if they don't accept her into the program?  What am I going to do??? 

The next Wednesday, I get the call.  She has been accepted.  I was relieved and now anxious.  "When will she be starting", I ask.  "Have her here tomorrow at 4:00".  ?Really... tomorrow?"  They told me I could either use a transport service or bring her in myself.  I wanted to bring her myself.  I couldn't bear the thought of someone else taking her.  I had to see this through to the end. 

Now a new set of worries set in.  How am I going to get her packed without her knowing?  Even worse, how am I going to get her there?  When and how am I going to tell her what is going on?  I decided not to say anything.  She was going to school in the morning like she always had and I will pick her up early and tell her she has an appointment.  That will work... right?  It did work.  I brought her to school then came home and packed her things.  I went to school to dismiss her and she was at lunch.  Luckily for me, this was the week she decided to stay at school from now on.  She was failing the end of the day classes and she didn't want to have to go to Summer School.  Of course, I had to go into the Cafeteria to find her.  I began to worry that maybe, she couldn't do it and she wasn't there.  She was there and asked what was going on.  I just told her she was being dismissed and I would see her in the car.  She got her things and met me out at the car.  She asked again, what was going on and I told her that she had an appointment.  She said OK, I am just glad to be out of school for the rest of the day.  We had a long quiet ride.