Before I continue where I left off last night, I want you to know even though it seems like I am all alone in this walk, I am not. I have such an incredible support system and if you are going to take this journey, you need to be able to confide in family and friends. I understand that you may feel embarrassed to let other people know things are falling apart around you, but you need to be able to lean on other people. If you do not feel you have those type of people in your life, lean on me and I will do what ever I can to help you take the steps you need to take. I do not have any type of college degree and I do not have tons of money, I am just a Mom who was extremely scared of the path her child decided to take.
About a month before she got suspended, I started looking into counselors. I thought if she could just talk to someone, maybe she won't feel the need to do the things she is doing. My walking partner said the school had a substance abuse counselor and why don't I look into it. I spoke to the counselor and she said that all she could do was invite my daughter to meet with her. It was up to my daughter whether she wanted to talk to her or not. My daughter called and left me a voicemail stating she was not going to talk to this counselor and I couldn't force her to. She was right, I couldn't force her. I did tell her that she could either see the counselor at school or she could see a counselor that I chose. We did go to a meeting with the counselor that I chose and the next day the school's counselor tried again. My daughter went this time and ultimately chose to see the school's counselor on a weekly basis. Even though the counselor could not tell me what they discussed on a weekly basis, I would call the counselor if we had a falling out and just let her know what had happened and would she please make sure she saw my daughter that week. I wanted my daughter to be able to confide in someone other than friends. She needed someone that could give her some type of direction and not just tell her that they wouldn't put up with her parents if it were them. When she did get suspended a Social Worker was assigned by the school to my daughter. The Social Worker was only assigned to my daughter for six weeks. At the end of six weeks I got a call asking if she could still see my daughter on a weekly basis. I said yes and she sent me the forms for me to sign. I figured any positive adult interaction with my daughter could only help. I was willing to take all the help I could get.
The second Tuesday in January my daughter asked if she could stay after school that day. She wanted to work out with her friend and then there were two basketball games they wanted to attend. She had been behaving, nothing horrible was in her instant messages and her grades were good, I will give her a chance to prove herself. That night was the first time I realized I may never see my daughter again. I was to pick her up at 8:00 pm. I got there at 7:30 knowing that something was up. I just didn't have a good feeling. I called my daughter's cell phone. After five rings it went to her voicemail. I left her a message to tell her I was there and to call me. I waited five minutes and went into the school. I walked the length of the gym looking up into the bleachers to see my daughter. She wasn't there. I called her three more times and left one voicemail to say she better be calling me right back. The next call I made to her phone went directly to voicemail. She had shut it off. I asked a few people if they had seen my daughter and no one had. Her friend was not there and her number was back at home. My phone was on its' last bar, so I decided to head home and deal with things there. A few weeks earlier I had found some numbers of my daughter's friends and boyfriend in her pocketbook. I had taken the slip of paper in case I needed it sometime. I needed it tonight. I finally reached her friend about 9:00 pm. She said my daughter's boyfriend was bringing her home and she would call him for me. I waited 20 minutes and called him myself. He said he didn't know where we lived and my daughter couldn't tell him. I met him at the end of our road. She was in the front seat with eyes wide open and unable to talk. He told me she had gone off with other friends and got drunk. He said, he yelled at all of them. I didn't care, my daughter was home, she was alive and that is all that mattered to me. One of the boys tried to get her out of the car to put her in my car and he just about dropped her on her head. It took all three of us to get her in my car. I got home and tried to get her to walk and I did drop her on the ground. I managed to get her to the kitchen floor and she laid there for the next four hours. I then managed to get her upstairs to her room and in bed. Her teeth were chattering and she was still wide eyed, but she seemed to understand what I was saying and that was a good sign. I was very lucky that night as I now know she could have died from alcohol poisoning. I should have driven home and got my other daughter and went straight to the hospital.
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