Shortly after our weekend visit I got news Elan was closing and I had two weeks to find other arrangements. I was fortunate as I had been thinking about the depleting student population and had already started making arrangements to move my daughter into another program. There was one obstacle and that was her father. He had been furious with me about putting our daughter into a program. He decided it was her decision as to whether she went into another program or came home. When he and I went to pick her up on her last day at Elan he told me I was the worst excuse for a parent and she wasn't going to go to another program. He said he would make sure of it. We still went to see the new school and she liked it, but she said no.
She came home and lived with me and her sister. I really believe she tried to stay away from her old life, but it didn't last long. Her counselor had told us the day we picked her up that she would be out of control within a month. She was wrong, it took two months. The last straw was Memorial Day weekend. She was going to stay at a friends house and I found out she never intended on being with that friend. She partied instead. Her father grounded her and took her phone away. When he wasn't looking she ran off. We got the police involved and within 24 hours she showed up at my house. Her father decided she needed another program.
We left on Memorial Day within two hours of her being home. We were both afraid she would run and we would never see her again, so we spent the night at my sister's house. We took turns staying up to make sure our daughter wouldn't try to run. As it turns out the new school was not prepared to take our daughter on Tuesday. We had to wait one more day. It had to be excruciating for her to have to wait one more day. I know she felt like a caged animal and she told me in no uncertain terms that she wasn't going to change. She had told me she hadn't changed while being at Elan and she wouldn't change while being at ASR. She was going to drink, smoke pot and do whatever she wanted, no matter what I did or said.
My sister and I ended up bringing her to ASR on Wednesday morning. I filled out paperwork and my daughter went through her intake and tour of the school. It was time to say goodbye and at least this time she wasn't swinging. She gave her Aunt a hug and turned to me and said "Bye". She turned and walked away. I was relieved, once again, as I knew she was in a safe place. This program was going to take over where Elan left off. She would probably graduate the program within a year. I was very optimistic she would accept the program and work as hard as she did while she was at Elan.
The first two weeks of the program you get acclimated to your surroundings and the program itself. We talked to her counselor and she seemed to be doing what she was supposed to be doing. The two weeks were finally up and she was integrated into the rest of the program. I was hoping to talk to her at that point, but knew she wasn't ready to talk to me. I had written a couple of letters and was just taking it day by day. She did write to her sister and that made me feel good. I am glad she realized her sister had nothing to do with any of this. She is only angry with her Dad and I, so I thought.
A couple of weeks later I received a call from her counselor saying she had caused some trouble and the director had requested a critical case committee and we needed to be on a conference call that afternoon. The call was at 2:00 pm and it was not good. She had caused some trouble that morning and the staff redirected her. She did not like being redirected, so she took it out on a bathroom. They said if anything else happened in the next 24 hours we were going to have to move her into another program. As I said earlier this program is the next step or phase in her treatment. The kids in this program want to continue to work on themselves. It seems she is angrier than I thought. Things did end up settling down. Another week went by and she was doing what she was supposed to do. She just had to get the anger , for being sent away, out of her system.
I did finally receive a call from her and her counselor. She wanted to discuss something with me. She started out saying she wanted to go to another school. She felt ASR was going to make her worse than when she got there and wanted to go to a boarding school. She didn't want to come home, but a school like Hyde would be OK. I told her I couldn't make a decision like that over the phone. It was something I would have to think about and talk to her father about. That evidently did not sit well with her as she wouldn't continue the conversation. Her counselor said he wanted to talk to her and then he would call me back. He did call back and said we should find another program for her. He said she is still very angry and does not want to give this program chance. She needed a program that had more structure. I was again on the hunt. This all came about on Thursday night of the July 4th weekend. He said if we could move her over the weekend that would be great. I was in frantic mode to find another place and a way to get her there. I knew this time, I could not bring her myself as she would definitely run. I had to get a transportation service to bring her. Her former counselor from Elan suggested Ironwood in Maine. I made all the arrangements and she was picked up on Tuesday, July 5th.
She had no idea she was leaving and heading to another program. The transportation team arrived at 7:00 am to pick her up. She was not happy, but she did not give anyone any trouble. The people that picked her up said she was talkative and very respectful. She arrived at Ironwood at 1:00 or thereabouts. This program was a lot like Elan in that she started at the bottom and had to work her way up to having any privileges. They said she was only sent with two changes of clothes and could I please get some to them soon. They also said the clothes she did have were not acceptable for their program. They had a specific list of clothes and none of the clothes she had were on the list of acceptable clothing. The clothing for ASR was tan pants or capris', with collared shirts. Ironwood were jeans that went above the hip, t-shirts and sweatshirts. Shirts and sweatshirts were to be white or grey and loose fitting. So off to the store I went.
This all may have been very difficult, but I want to let everyone know; it would not have been possible without my Mom. I am so grateful every day for my Mom. She made it possible for my daughter to go to these programs and even went shopping with me to get the new clothes. She is an amazing woman and I am so lucky she believed in what I was doing.
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