About a month after our first conference, my daughter made it to the next level. I was so happy for her. She was very happy as she now could go on school trips and be on the cross country team. Her favorite sport is soccer and unfortunately there are not enough girls in this program to form a soccer team. She had planned on trying out for the track team at her old school, so cross country would be good enough for now. She was just thrilled to have more freedom. Getting to the next level also meant more visits with her family, that made me very happy. Up to this point I only see her every six to eight weeks and that can be tough.
About two weeks into her new job, she started to lie and manipulate some of her big sisters. She thought she could get them to feel bad for her and also thought it would get me mad. Her counselor asked me to write a letter to her and see if I could help turn her around. I did write the letter and asked her things like what did she hope to gain by lying to her big sisters? Did it really make you feel better? Isn't it tough lying to people as you always have to remember who you told what? It took a little while, but she did come clean with everything and felt so much better. She did finally realize that the positive confrontations were much better than the negative confrontations. She got herself back on track and a couple of weeks later, she put in for a visit with me and her little sister.
The day came for our visit and her sister and I were very excited. We were to have a conference with her and then we were all going to go have dinner together. The second day we were going to have a whole day together. I met with the counselors' and then with my daughter to discuss issues between us. When we were done my younger daughter came in. They ran to each other and hugged tightly. This is the first time the two of them have been together in five months. My older daughter apologized to her sister for treating her so badly and she told her how much she loved her. She told her how she wanted to be her big sister and a good role model for her. They both cried and hugged for quite some time. It was a great feeling to see them together. For a good year or more my older daughter thought her sister was useless and treated her like garbage. My younger daughter was actually afraid to stay home alone with her. This was quite a change and it felt really good.
After the conference, my daughter and her big sister showed us around campus. We saw some of the posters she drew, the dining hall, the classrooms and where she worked. It was great to meet some of her classmates and see some of the work she has done. It was time for the four of us to head to dinner. -Whenever any of the kids have a conference or a visit with family they have a support person with them. You are never alone with your child which works out for everyone. It can get awkward for your child and for you as the parent. We are all learning to be around each other under different circumstances and having a support person there helps keep things on track. - We went to dinner and had a great time. The girls' were excited to be going to a restaurant and have a real meal. They are not thrilled with the food at school. We laughed, talked and just enjoyed each other's company. It was such a fun evening. We went back to campus and said our goodbyes. There were a few tears, but more excitement for the next day's visit.
We came back in the morning to pick up the two girls and head off for the day. We went to breakfast and then to the store to get a watch, socks and sweatpants for my daughter. We then went and played miniature golf. We had a lot of laughs and great conversation. It felt so good to have everyone happy just to be together. It had been a long time since we had a day like that. We then went to lunch and just sat and talked about what it was like at her school and what her younger sister was up to. I think our lunch lasted two hours. We then went looking for running shoes. My daughter was now on the Cross Country team and needed good running shoes. We then went to get an ice cream. While we were sitting eating ice cream it started to get very quiet. All of a sudden it felt like the floor dropped out from underneath us.
We all realized that the totally awesome day was coming to an end and she was going back to her school. In a matter of minutes it went from happy and wonderful to sad and horrible. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know why, but I didn't expect the day to end like this and I had no idea what to say to ease the emotions. My daughter got very quiet and her younger sister started to cry. It was such a wonderful day and an absolutely horrible day all wrapped up in one. On our ride back my daughter said "Mom this is bullshit, I don't want to go back. I don't need to be there". Instead of thinking about what she said, I just responded with "You were out of control, you needed to be there". The ride back was very quiet. I felt as if I had slapped her in the face and said "You're good, but not good enough yet". It was an absolutely horrible feeling. When we got back to school, my older daughter comforted her younger sister and said goodbye to me. We got in the car and drove off. We pulled over a short distance down the road and I hugged my younger daughter. She said, "I had the best day of my life and now I have to leave her". She just cried and cried.
No comments:
Post a Comment